dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
