I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
