I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
