She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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