are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the condom got lost in my hair
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
