just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize