if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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