It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
