On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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