her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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