I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
