...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and she was petting her beer can
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
