Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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