4 words: hood of his car
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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