you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
