Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
