my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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