Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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