there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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