Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
