We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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