how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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