I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
