She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
