I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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