so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
