She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
