Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
