then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
