im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
