Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
