Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
