My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
