I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
