a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
