you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
