At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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