I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
