Need sex. Gaining weight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize