id be glad to
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
