Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
