I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
