my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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