I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
