we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
