Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
