No subtext here. People are naked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
