SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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