Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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