I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
