went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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