Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am mentally ready for anal.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
