You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
