Are we in a gay sports bar?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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