weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
