I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
false alarm, still single
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
