i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
