girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
