no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
