arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He? As in you personified your dick?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
