That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
