you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
