Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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