How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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