He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
