I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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