All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
