I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
